Key Information

We need to contrast delayed ejaculation and premature ejaculation. They are in many ways the opposite ends of a spectrum - but what they have in common is the issue of control. A lack of control in the case of premature ejaculation, and a complete case of over control in delayed ejaculation. If you cannot ejaculate during sex, find out why it's happening to you by clicking above.

Causes Of "Prematurity"


The Causes Of Premature Ejaculation Are - Well, What Exactly?


You know something? Doctors and therapists have been discussing the cause of premature ejaculation since about 1880.

It was only in 1950, with Masters and Johnson's pioneering work on human sexuality that the first treatments were developed. These consisted of "behavioral" training programs, including the stop-start technique, and the famous squeeze technique.

And in fact these two treatment methods still work quite well, but I think it's fair to say that we now see the origin of premature ejaculation slightly differently.


There are two broad categories of causation: the physical, and psychological.

Physical Causes

A lot of men with premature ejaculation don't want to accept that it may be caused by psychological or emotional issues. Instead, they prefer to believe there's a physical reason why they come so quickly during intercourse.

So what physical factors might be causing a man to ejaculate prematurely?

Well, gracious - it seems that lack of control is all in your genes. A gene for premature ejaculation! Phew. It's not your fault after all. Rest easy, man!

When you look at the scientific reports, it turns out that this "PE gene" is actually a gene that controls serotonin production. Not a surprise, in fact, because we know that antidepressants, which inhibit serotonin uptake in the brain, can actually delay ejaculation.

In fact, one class of antidepressants, the selective serotonin uptake inhibitors, or SSRIs, have been developed as medical treatments to delay ejaculation.

Dapoxetine specifically. However, this hasn't gained wide acceptance, and it's not licensed for use in the United States and large parts of Europe.

So I'm going to put the genetic explanation to one side. Even if it's true, it's not very helpful in practical treatment terms. It'll never help you avoid coming too soon, that's for sure.

Another physical explanation behind early ejaculation is a hypersensitive penis.

Now, it's quite understandable why men might think they are too sensitive "down below", but it doesn't really stand up to examination.

One of the reasons people think that a sensitive penis has something to do with coming too quickly is that men who ejaculate very quickly during intercourse also tend to ejaculate quite quickly during masturbation.

The easiest way to explain this is to say, well, so it must be an oversensitive penis that's making the man shoot his load so quickly. Ho ho.

Now you don't need to find out how to control premature emissions, yes? But the problem is, it could just as well be a whole bunch of psychological reasons that are making your off-loading happen so rapidly.

And the most obvious of those reasons is that you conditioned yourself to ejaculate quickly when you learned to masturbate as a teenager. We'll come back to this idea in a moment.

One of the only pieces of evidence I can find which might suggest that penile sensitivity does have something to do with controlling PE, with the quickness or slowness of your ejaculation, is this: American men report that the average time between penetration and ejaculation is 13 minutes. Guess what, though? German men say it's 7 minutes.

Now, if these figures are true, which is impossible to know for sure, you have to ask yourself "what is different between American and German men?"

And of course the answer is that a lot more American men are circumcised.

Is it possible that circumcision so reduces sensitivity of the penis of time that it actually delays ejaculation?

Circumcised = Control?     
              Uncircumcised = Less Control?

There's no clear answer to this question but it's certainly an interesting one.

However, if you're thinking of getting yourself circumcised in order to stop premature ejaculation, I highly recommend you read this study.

It demonstrated very clearly indeed that women much prefer to make love with a man who's got a foreskin. The foreskin is there for a reason: it makes sex more comfortable for the woman, and makes it more comfortable for the man, because it prevents her lubrication dissipating.

And furthermore, it protects the glans from going scaly and dry over time.

I really don't recommend circumcision as a cure for rapid ejaculation. After all, men are restoring their foreskins to get more control over their own sexual pleasure.

A Tight Frenulum Can Cause Rapid Ejaculation

One of the reasons why you might be experiencing premature ejaculation is because you have a short frenulum. The effect of this can be quite dramatic as the photograph below shows.


physical causes of premature ejaculation short frenulum

Since the frenulum is actually one of the most sensitive parts of the penis, and has a major role in your ejaculatory response, I would say phimosis and a short frenulum (frenulum breve) can both cause a loss of ejaculatory control in men.

Fortunately a frenuloplasty, a minor surgical procedure, can lengthen the frenulum and improve your ability to last longer in bed.

Phimosis - a tight foreskin which won't retract over the glans during intercourse - is painful and tends to promote rapid orgasm.

Psychological Factors As A Cause

I think we're on much firmer ground when we look at emotions and psychology as the cause of early orgasm and rapid ejaculation in men.

For one thing, there are clear links between sexual inexperience, anxiety, anger, fear, relationship problems, lack of confidence, low self-esteem, and the speed of a man's ejaculation.

If you think back to your first sexual experience, it's highly likely that you felt anxious; indeed, it'd be quite unusual if you didn't feel anxious the first time you made love to a woman.

But did you know that anxiety stimulates the nervous system in the same way that sexual excitement does?

And so feeling anxious is going to make you ejaculate more quickly. The problem is, once you've ejaculated quickly, you develop anxiety about the same thing happening next time, and of course ... before you know it, the rest is splurge, splurge, splurge.... no, dammit, excuse my crudity: I mean the rest is the same old, same old.... so do something different - make her come before you do!

It's a serious suggestion that men who suffer with rapid ejaculation should start getting to grips with this problem by increasing their confidence in bed.

A good way to do this is to find ways to give a woman intense sexual satisfaction or to give her an orgasm by bringing her off - i.e. help her orgasm - before they themselves achieve orgasm during intercourse.

Why? Because this avoids the problems that may arise when a woman is left hanging without an orgasm. This approach to lovemaking also increases a man's confidence and allows him to feel like a more successful lover.

man has no interest in preventing premature ejaculation

I daresay you're wondering why men continue to ejaculate quickly even when they gain more sexual experience. What happened to the idea of more control coming with age and experience?

One possibility is that the expectation of premature ejaculation is now so firmly established that the man just regards it as normal -- which is probable if he doesn't know how to stop himself coming too soon.

Another possibility is that the origins lie further back in the man's development.

Perhaps, as a teenager, he trained himself to reach the point of ejaculation very quickly, by masturbating hurriedly or using a harsh technique with lots of pressure and rapid thrusting movements.

Some men -- in fact, from my work with men, I'd say a lot of them -- causes their own premature ejaculation in adulthood by their teenage masturbation experiences - which were anything but slow and relaxed. Avoiding discovery is so urgent and necessary for most boys as they masturbate.

Fast, furtive, harsh movements of the hand, or thrusting against the mattress -- all these things seem to condition the body to ejaculate quickly. They certainly diminish control.

It's almost as though the man's got some issue about his body, sex, his penis and ejaculation. Yep! The obvious things that might be causing a problem here are shame and guilt.

So something useful to look at if you're wondering why you come so quickly is your attitude towards sex in general, and women in particular.

You don't have to go into therapy to know that your emotional and sexual experiences when you were growing up will have impacted your attitude to sex.

You'll certainly know if you were brought up in a house where sex was taboo, shameful, or guilt ridden. You'll remember it all too clearly if you were punished or shamed  for touching your penis as a boy.

And you'll certainly remember if the emotional and psychological boundaries between you and your mother (or some other family member) were inappropriate or unhealthy.

All of these things can make men anxious and angry about sex and women and ejaculation and masturbation ... and in my opinion they are very likely to be one common cause of rapid ejaculation.

Reaching Down Into the Depths And Stopping PE

What you have to remember is that sexual arousal and emotional arousal will have the same effect on the body.

So while we tend to think of sexual arousal as being "THE" thing which leads to a premature climax (orgasm and ejaculation), it's entirely possible for anger and anxiety to speed up your arrival at the point of no return (aka the point of ejaculatory inevitability).

In other words, don't have sex when you're angry or anxious. You might spurt too soon. But what if the anger lies deep down inside - or the anxiety, for that matter?

When you think about sex it can really get your juices flowing in many different ways: of course it excites you sexually.

But sex can also produce anxiety or emotional conflict, or guilt, or shame... and the consequences of these is prematurity, loss of control, and cessation of sexual pleasure.

And think of this: do you ever feel that you might be sexually less than perfect - well, go on then, I'll say it -  sexually inadequate - in some way? (Perhaps because of the size of your penis or because you don't know why you can't stop your premature ejaculation or because of some other hang-up you have with sex)?

All these things - anger, anxiety, sexual guilt and shame -  have the same impact on your nervous system as anxiety.

They increase your arousal, your emotional arousal, that is, which means you ejaculate more quickly. 

Whether you have performance anxiety, or some other emotion around sex, if you are anything other than fully in your male power when you start to make love, I believe you are at risk of ejaculating prematurely.

In other words, your emotional state can be a cause of PE.

I've also seen a lot of men with a tendency to come quickly during intercourse who don't have much knowledge about human sexuality.

For instance, would it surprise you to learn that spending a long time on foreplay can actually help you overcome quick ejaculation?

What? You think I'm crazy! NO! Even though you might've been trying to get inside your partner just as quickly as you can before you've started to get very aroused, so that you can last avoid the loss of control you know so well... (Hope against hope.)

The problem is that this doesn't really help you last longer, does it?

But if you slow down and delay lovemaking, both in foreplay and in intercourse, you become accustomed to that level of arousal, it's not so exciting, and you can actually last longer.

Now I know that's only half the battle. There's a lot more to controlling your ejaculation when you're inside a woman than taking it slowly.

You need to deal with the fears you hold around sex, whether they're about getting a woman pregnant, about the size of your penis, about how you feel towards your partner -- or, for that matter, about absolutely anything else that causes you to feel anxious, fearful, guilty, ashamed, or whatever. When you have sex. Or around women.

PE Cure & Treatment

On this website (the one you're reading) I recommend a treatment program which I've found to be extremely effective. I gave it to 50 of my male clients with premature ejaculation and told them to "man up". No, that's a joke. I asked them to try it.

Almost all of them reported a significant improvement in the length of time for which they could make love before they ejaculated.

Indeed, prematurity seems to be a thing of the past, so to speak, when you have have a clear intention to last longer during sex and the right treatment to help you develop more control.

Make no mistake about it, your intention is half the battle.

You really have to make a clear decision that you want to last longer and that you're going to do it! And once you've got that intention behind you, everything becomes so much easier.

One of the things Ejaculation by Command  suggests is a slower approach to sex, because when you've stopped that rapid increase in your sexual arousal, you'll automatically have more control.

It also explains how you can release shame and guilt around sex, eliminate any inhibitions you have, and change your expectations of yourself as a lover so you see yourself as a man who is going to last for a long time, feel very powerful, and satisfy his partner completely.

These are all very practical ways of dealing with rapid ejaculation, and the techniques taken together will massively extend how long you can make love with your partner before you come!

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Updated May 9,  2019