Overcoming Psychological and Emotional Issues Behind Rapid Ejaculation

Key Information

Cures For
Premature Ejaculation

There's absolutely no doubt that emotional and psychological factors are responsible for the majority of quick ejaculations.

That's why you need the right solution for you.

Click here to find out about the best available products to cure PE.


The Causes

Premature ejaculation is one of the most common sexual complaints in men. Estimates of the number of men experiencing the condition range from 20% to 75%.

Psychological Causes

This brings us to the other important part of premature ejaculation. When a man thinks he ejaculates too quickly with no control, he usually experiences a feeling of distress and shame, humiliation and a low level of self-esteem.

Rapid ejaculation may therefore become a trigger for internal criticism and negative self-talk.

This sets up a vicious cycle: the negative feelings eat away at a man's self confidence, which may make him more anxious about experiencing premature ejaculation next time.

More anxiety means more performance pressure, which makes it more likely that he will indeed lose control next time, and so of course he does!

Experts have not yet found any physical or medical reason why a man cannot control premature ejaculation, and they probably never will.

Years ago, scientists thought that men with little ejaculatory control in bed had a highly sensitive penis which was stimulated too quickly easily, but this ideas isn't true.

And in any case, rapid ejaculation isn't caused by just one single factor.

Premature ejaculation can be caused by anxiety about your sexual performance.

You may feel a general pressure to "perform" well in bed or to prove yourself rather than just to enjoy sex in a relaxed way.

You might be anxious about meeting a woman's expectations or satisfying her, or simply anxious about intimacy and being close to a woman.

This will make your sexual performance seem even more important, which produces more anxiety and in turn increases your tendency to reach climax quickly uncontrollably.

For some men the connection between emotions and premature ejaculation is much more obvious.

Some men can react to comparatively little sexual stimulation by becoming very aroused, which then causes them to lose control, sometimes even before they have taken all their clothes off or started lovemaking.

Here, the use of SSRI anti-depressants like Dapoxetine may be necessary to overcome the problem.

These drugs slow down ejaculation, and together with treatment programs which change a man's behavior, and some psychotherapy, they can help control and overcome the problem enormously.

Another factor which seems to play a role in premature ejaculation is age.

Younger men are more prone to the dysfunction than others.

And most men reach their orgasm and ejaculate quickly during their first sexual experiences with a new partner, which suggests that men generally are prone to rapid ejaculation and develop better control as they become more experienced.

Of course, not having sex very often can lead to a more rapid ejaculation.

Infrequent sexual activity may heighten problems with ejaculation control, which may be part of a cycle of feeling bad, avoidance or getting tense beforehand and then once again losing control.

And different sexual positions may hasten or slow down a man's approach to orgasm.

For example, the man-on-top or rear-entry positions tend to make a man come more quickly.

Men who experience rapid ejaculation often have unrealistic expectations about what they should be able to do as lovers. 

TV, newspapers, and magazines, let alone bar room talk and locker room boasting, don't help here, for there's a widespread image of physical relationships being led by the man, who is in charge and has to be able to fully satisfy his partner!

Clearly, this is completely impossible and any man who feels he has to achieve such a feat on a regular basis is setting himself up for disappointment and internal criticism. 

"Premature ejaculation" may simply become a physical expression of the impossible task a man is expecting of himself during lovemaking.

You simply don't know how excited you are!

This is the most common single cause of premature ejaculation, without a doubt. What it means is that men fail to monitor their approach to the point of ejaculatory inevitability, the point at which they'll ejaculate come what may.

A lot of men who see me for help in trying to overcome premature ejaculation say that their ejaculation seems to come from nowhere, that it just suddenly happens, unexpectedly with almost no warning.

But the truth is that your body is always telling you how near you are to the point of ejaculation – if you only know how to listen to the signals it's giving you.

One of the best and most effective techniques for men to learn ejaculation control is to start with a system that allows them to monitor how close they are to the point of ejaculatory inevitability.

Once you know how to do this, and it's explained in the treatment program on this website, you'll have made a massive step towards complete ejaculation control.

You hold anger and resentment against your partner and PE represents a quick way of getting away from her because you don't like intimacy

That might sound bizarre.... but it's absolutely true! Men who fear intimacy, or men who don't want to be intimate with their partner, basically because they're angry or resentful towards her or even because they just don't like her, will ejaculate quickly during sex because they are averse to the sense of intimacy that sex inevitably generates.

When you don't want to be intimate with your partner you certainly don't want to be having sex with her.

This simple truth is reflected in the fact that one of the first questions a relationship therapist will ask a couple in order to establish the health of their relationship is whether or not they're still having sex, and if so how often.

So, if you have high levels of anger and resentment towards your partner, or if you fear intimacy, then you might want to work through these issues on your own, perhaps checking with a counselor or therapist… or you may even want to change your relationship so that you are in relationship with somebody you really love and with whom you want to be intimate.

Back to anxiety again, and again.....

Because really, when you think about it, there are so many things you can be anxious about during sex:

  • fear of getting your partner pregnant
  • fear of picking up a sexually transmitted infection
  • fear of what she's thinking of you (or your penis)
  • fear of whether or not you'll be able to bring her to orgasm
  • fear of being abandoned

And of course thee are many more. Maybe you need to increase your confidence in bed - in other words, maybe you need more information on how to give a woman an orgasm, so as to alleviate the pressure on yourself during sex?

The truth, of course, is that you'll always know deep down if you're feeling comfortable during sex, and whether or not you actually want to be making love to the partner you're in bed or loafing through life with.

In this context, many young men who e-mail me for help and advice on controlling PE will tell me they've lost their erection during sex and want to know why.

I always tell them "the penis never lies": which means, if you can't get an erection from age 16 to 20, then that's a sign you don't want to be having sex with the partner in your bed.

For older men I'd say the same thing PE is a very clear way for the body to tell you something is amiss in your relationship… and yes, of course, there are plenty of other reasons why men come too quickly.